Hello, Grill Lift here, and I have a product that will amaze you!
Ever been grinding for hours on end, wanting that exp bar to reach 50,000 out of 67,000, and as you grind your finger to a pulp, your inventory is full and you have to run back and forth to sell your items or upgrade that favorite mace of yours? Wouldn’t it be easier to have an extended inventory? Perhaps a feature or extension of yourself into a pouch wearable at the lower left or right hip? Well look no further, once my highly specialized team of monkeys finish making the first prototypes, you’ll be at your knees with all the extra weight of the stuff you can now carry!
You think I’d just stop there? No, the tortures just begun! We all know how hard it can be to navigate blindly into the dark, saying to yourself, “is this a wall,” as you break your nose on a vein of pure copper and iron. Now, with the power of quantum rendering, we have the wearable lantern. An item that latches on to your side, or your back, or your face, doesn’t matter as long as you can see!
Ever been laughed at for wearing that pesky helmet? Ever felt so protected from a monster, yet so vulnerable to the words of people with even the slightest bit of fashion sense? Now, with the all-new dimensional concealer, your helmet can be wished away, like all my problems, at the click of a button! But fear not because your helmet is still there, but using our patterned design, a few mages and a gnome for luck, we can assure you, no one will see that thing again.
Thank you for listening in, I’ve been Grill Lift, soon to be Grill Chill.
–This is mostly just satire, but the ideas are true.